Let's talk about sex.

No. I’ll feel weird

Why? Why do sex convos have to feel awkward?Why does the room usually adopt a graveyard stance when the conversation swerves to coitus? Considering the fact that Nigeria's population is projected to rise from 180 million (7th most populous nation) to 500 million (3rd most populous nation) in about 30 years, we are clearly going to be having a lot of sex. Unprotected. On the low. Without Momma's blessing. Fifty shades of sodomy.

"Basically because we were brought up avoiding the subject...So once you actually want to talk about it, it feels weird"

Considering the fact that we will spend a substantial part of our adult lives having sex, with or without a cleric's blessing, shouldn't we spend more time talking about it? The health of future married lives will largely be determined by the frequency and quality of the sex. The man could prefer to back up into the garage from the rear. The lady could prefer a more frontal view of things. There's a dichotomy of demands here, and cases abound in Nigerian courts of marriages that were dissolved because of things as "trivial" as this. Don't believe me? Check out this story about a woman seeking a divorce because of her husband's "withdrawal" method.

Talking about sex doesn't necessarily result in actual sexual intercourse, except you're playing Truth or Dare. Why can't we talk about the female ovulation cycle, and its effects on their libido? This is something a lot of guys are really interested, especially when they've lost good chances thanks to the words "I'm not in the mood".

True... But it doesn’t make polite conversation

In other words, sex convos are impolite. Sex talk is dirty. The problem with this mindset is that it usually has a way complicating activities in the other room. If we deem it impolite or dirty to talk about sex, then why have sex at all? Isn't it like someone who openly derides pornography, but daily clears his browsing history of porn sites?

If we talked more about an activity that could last for an hour or more, depending on the health of our lower regions, wouldn't these light-out activities be more fulfilling?

"Especially for members of the fair sex...It's understandable when guys talk about it"

Now we're getting down to specifics. The concern about sex convos being dirty is largely restricted to the female sex. A lot of guys will agree with me that in mixed groups, the ladies usually cringe when the conversation veers towards sex. They usually refer to you as 'dirty' or being a pervert. We laugh about it, but the consequences of this go beyond small side talk.

Because men generally enjoy more freedom to talk about sex, our narrative tends to dominate the scenes. We talk, not just about our sexuality, but women's sexuality. At times, we consider all women to be sluts. Then we think that all women are horny 24/7 and all of them have lost their virginity. We talk condescendingly in private about women, and these talks influence the proliferation of scantily clad women in our music videos and movies.

Like a one-eyed man, our concept of sexuality is one-sided. We know just 50% of the story. Adam's story. Right from the Garden of Eden, men have dominated and defined the rules of sexuality, painting women as their inferiors and pawns.

Women need to talk more about sex especially. To correct the misconceptions. Female sexuality is probably one of the most guarded secrets of the world. And men are following the wrong clues to discover it. We need women to speak up about what it symbolises to be a woman. We need to understand the essence of Eve.

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Analyst/Emerging Tech Lead, Tech Hive Advisory | AI Ethics & Governance Researcher

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Akin Ifeanyi Agunbiade

Akin Ifeanyi Agunbiade

Analyst/Emerging Tech Lead, Tech Hive Advisory | AI Ethics & Governance Researcher

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